About Me

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'God's greatest desire is for you to see a clear picture of His character. When you see Him clearly, you will find His love irresistible.' This blog is to encourage others and to offer hope in a hopeless world! Who Are Blessed Spiritually? Matthew 5:3-12

My Testimony

I was brought up in the Seventh-day Adventist Church from birth until I was around seven years old. When my mother married we soon began to attend Pentecostal churches on Sunday and I had the privilege at a young age of going to many concents and meeting many famous gospel artists such as Bebe & Cece Winans, The London Community Gospel Choir, Mica Paris, The Wade Brothers, the Clarke Sisters, the Escofferys and many, many more including appearing on gospel shows. As a young kid it was such an exciting experience and it made me grow up quickly because I was always on hand to help set up, give out programs and travel all around the UK. My best experience was meeting Bebe and Cece Winans because we were on tour with them in the UK and my mum introduced me to say oh by the way my daughter loves you and CeCe Winans said I was cute! I was so embarrassed at the time but happy inside too. I was there every night and new every word of all their songs and I was right at the front. It was the best thing ever as a young girl.

So God was always in my life but as I got older and more rebellion against my parents I did not go to church at all. This may be a familiar story to some of you reading this. We get forced into doing something we don't want to do for so many years that when we get the freedom - we run as far as we can.

It was not until in my later years that I realised that even though I did not worship God how He wanted me too, He was always there. He knew me better than myself and never gave up.

As a teenager and young adult all I was looking for was love, but in the wrong places. I wondered why on the outside my life looked so perfect and I had everything that I wanted - the boyfriend with status, the clothes, the money, the jobs I wanted, the partying, the holidays, the body that everyone wanted - but I was still unhappy.

Unhappy to the point of depression, self-harm, smoking, drinking because I thought I could block it all out and I felt that nobody could help me or understand what I possibly am going through. Because I realised my life was like a soap opera, it wasn't real. I played the part of a confident, popular girl but in fact I was bullied at school and nobody liked me. People only liked me if I could do something for them, they took advantage all the time, some going too far. I thought this would be how my life would be forever. People always taking advantage of my kindness, my generousity, my love.

But little did I know there was somebody there that loved me, that understood me, that would never hurt me and all I had to do was call out for HELP!

When I found out I was pregnant I had mixed feelings because I knew I would be on my own and all though I was happy, I was scared. How was I going to cope by myself? It's not how I imagined things to be because although I didn't read my Bible I always knew that I wanted to be with the father if I was to have a baby and to be married. Unbehold to me my beautiful daughter was going to be the best thing to happen to me. It was the start to my recovery. I was suffering from post natal depression, for two years I could not go outside, I was always excessively cleaning and just anxious all the time. I don't think anyone knew because I tried to hide it and just kept myself to myself. Once I got my own flat no-one could see me anyway.

You must be careful what you wish for because God knows that I said, if I was to have a child I would grow them up in church because that is the background I had and it did me good. It made me grounded. I kept to my promise without really thinking about it.

Before I got my own flat I lived with my dad and he and my sister went to a Seventh-day Adventist Church. I used to stay at home but was not allowed to watch television and was stuck at home with the baby bored out my brain. So after many months of doing this I said I might as well go to church with them as I'm not doing anything else. Little did I realise that this would change me for the rest of my life.

I went week after week and the sermons touched my so much that every week I was in floods of tears. I was hurting and the preachers seems to be preaching about me. What kept ringing in my ears was that I have tried everything else and they still haven't worked, why not try God. Why not try God? It seemed so simple, why didn't I think of it before but I had to go through my storm to be convinced, to be converted.

As I went to church every Sabbath, (and you may be thinking why didn't I go to a Sunday church as I had done previously. The answer would be I was brought up in the adventist church as a baby and for some reason I had know doubts, I didn't even question it), I enjoyed the day. I felt as though I was apart of a family where everyone were like mined and loved one another as a family should. I finally belonged.

As my daughter grew up I made sure she was at church and when at home she listened to the Tweenies and other children's programs but I always ensured she listened to some Bible songs. She used to sing all the time, whereever we go. On the bus, in the shops and people used come to me and ask where she learnt these songs and ask questions about my beliefs. My daughter was evangelising at 2 by singing Bible songs that drew people to me so I could witness to them also. I wasn't even baptised yet but yet God was guiding me to be his servant. To this day my daughter still sings and brings people to tears with her beautiful voice. God has given her a gift that she is able to tell the story of Gods love through song with such feeling that it touches everyone that hears her. I'm so blessed to have her.

My daughter has the ability to know when you are feeling sad and can cheer you up just by saying something funny, saying I love you, or just simply giving you a hug. God uses her in times when I am weak and can't hear Gods whisper. God speaks through her to encourage me, to comfort me. This made me realise that I am not alone and that I serve a mighty God.

After a couple of years I made the decision to get baptised. I had Bible study lessons and no problems accepting Gods word. When the actual day came I had such a bad feeling. I did not want to go. I was crying constantly and did not know why. I believe now that it was Satan's last chance to take hold of me and change my mind. I chose to follow Christ and Satan must have been mad. Even when it was time to change into the white gowns, I was not myself and so frightened. I was getting baptised with two children. I saw their faces and they were nervous too. As soon as I decided to comfort them as Jesus would have done, that fearful feeling had gone completely. By helping them I helped myself and believe that then Satan knew I had no intention of changing my mind and left me alone.

As they sang I surrender all I was baptised by full immersion and after that I felt that I could conquer anything. It was the best day ever and I was so happy. Finally happy.

But little did I know that things will get even harder and when I made mistakes I was so angry at myself and thought God must really hate me for not being obedient to Him. But through my Christian walk I realised that I will make mistakes along the way but you will be forgiven and Jesus still loves you. I still made some bad choices but I was comforted that Jesus still loved me. Sometimes the old me would come through but I was comforted by God fearing people around me. My family were my biggest support. I started speaking up about my problems, my fears and God always provided someone to advise me and every time I have been through something it has made me stronger and stronger every time.

Yes there are times when I wanted to give up when things seem to be hard but knowing what I know now I will never give up. The devil can try blow me down and I may waver from side to side but I will NEVER drop to the ground.

I encourage you not to give up either because there always is a way out. Jesus is the way, the truth and the light and the rewards are great if you trust and obey HIM.

Lastly, one day I was on the bus feeling so down and I passed a church that had the text, Jesus loves you UNCONDITIONALLY, and everytime I think of this, it gives me so much comfort. I was looking for love and finally found it in Jesus. What an amazing love!